Here's another post on how we're not kids anymore...

My stuffed animals. Scary things coming into my window because it was so close to the roof ledge. When my friends across the street would come play. Sunday school. If mom found out I took that cookie...twirl, dancing in front of the mirror in my white tutu.

Those were the things in my head when I was little. Everything about life seemed so impossibly far away. Being a big person seemed so liberating, so wonderful; like some kind of secret that would make you happy forever. I used to think that growing up would get rid of all those fears...bad dreams, mom leaving me at a birthday party, swimming lessons. But bigger fears are introduced. And the most basic things we built off of are removed. We find out our parents are people too with flaws and shortcomings. They're not that perfect, generic lifespring of protection and answers; they are people, they have souls, fears, doubts, dreams, needs, hopes...faults; and that we still will when we're their age. That life isn't an hourglass tipped over on a perfection half. That your soul doesn't just refine itself. That we will always know how to cry the way we did when we were children. We find out that money is important. That no one will protect you the way they did when you were little and going shopping with mummy and daddy. That you become solitary. In a way, alone.

And yet, a blossoming island if you stand in the Sun.

Blah blah blah....

"So Judas kissed his master and cried, 'All hail!' when as he meant all harm." - Henry VI, Shakespeare

Why do people talk so much bull?
Blah blah blah
Hello, goodbye. I love you, I hate you. Be with me, get away. Are people ever genuine? When did honesty become a nice old-fashioned "virtue"? People spew poetry as soon as they would fire, and often the two are intertwined until your enemy is your friend and the other way around...or the other way around...
But who's to judge when we take face-value so seriously?
And whose face has any value?
What are friends if they come and go? How can you take refuge in a shared moment with a friend if they wont be who they are to you in that moment a little bit later?
What should we say to the fearfully niave and open people who truly seek friendship and honesty? Unselfish love...
Can you not be like them and not be affected by them?

"One sees more devils than vast hell can hold." - A Midsummer Night's Dream, Shakespeare

People say love is the only good thing in life, but where is it?
And truth and love, being so evasive then, how can we love like we've nothing to lose?
Get what you want. Be found out. Cover it up. Do it again.
Seek what you want. Be used. Do it again because its better than nothing.
Is there nothing better?
Will we ever know if we're always in haste to put on our masks and conceal the truth that is behind all our faces? To keep up the charade? Desperate to keep the fake love intact, if only to have the illusion of it.
Who will say bravo at the end of that show?

Prayer
Louis Untermeyer

God, althouguh this life is but a wraith,
Althouguh we know not what we use,
Althouguh we grope with little faith,
Give me the heart to fight - and lose.

Ever insurgent let me be,
Make me more daring than devout;
From sleek contentment keep me free,
And fill me with a buoyant doubt.

Open my eyes to visions girt,
With beauty, and with wonder lit -
But let me always see the dirt,
And all that spawn and die in it.

Open my ears to music; let
Me thrill with Spring's first flutes and drums -
But never let me dare forget
The bitter ballads of the slums.

From compromise and things half-done,
Keep me, with stern and stubborn pride.
And when, at last, the fight is won,
God keep me still unsatisfied.

The Look
Sara Teasdale

Strephon kissed me in the spring,
Robin in the fall,
But Colin only looked at me
And never kissed at all.

Strephon's kiss was lost in jest,
Robin's lost in play,
But the kiss in Colin's eyes
Haunts me night and day.

A feeling
A feeling took us over
No matter when it began
Its almost like we're not ourselves anymore
After what happened.
We used to be kids
Now what are we?
We're other people. Who don't even know each other anymore.

Somewhere, when we thought it was time to become big people - we became giants.

We don't remember what it was to be quiet. Or what a true smile was.
Everything has an angle.
Someone is out to get us.

Jealousy, envy, hatred and lust, mutiny, despair, cruelty, pride. Where did these come from?
We were just kids.
This can't be what big people are.
We're cutthroat. Survivors. Prey. Hunters too. And love?

Where did love go?
Have we forgotten how to love each other?
It just takes one wrong word now, one false pretence - and it is no more.

We throw each other away.

Have we become too strong to need each other?

Or too weak for our wounds to heal and move on?
We were supposed to become stronger.
Wiser.
Kinder.
Better.
But now we just know how to kill.

We got older, but now we faint from a slight cut. We fall from a small blow.

Everything is too much. One hurt, and we can't forget.

Bigger. Shouldn't we be bigger?

The older we get, the weaker. We are broken and can't be fixed.

We have no friends. Because there are none.
We are not friends, because none of us are willing.

We are afraid. Giants, afraid of pain.

All of us are bruised from each other person.
With downcast eyes, hoping no one will say it out loud.

Without humility.

What are we?

The Glove and the Lions
Leigh Hunt

King Francis was a hearty king, and loved a royal sport,
And one day, as his lions fought, sat looking on the court;
The nobles filled the benches, with the ladies in their pride,
And 'mongst them sat the Count de Lorge with one for whom he sighed:
And truly t'was a gallant thing to see that crowning show, -
Valor and love, and a king above, and the royal beasts below.

Ramped and roared the lions, with horrid laughing jaws;
They bit, they glared, gave blows like beams, a wind went with their paws;
With wallowing might and stifled roar they rolled on one another,
Till all the pit with sand and mane, was in a thunderous smother;
The bloody foam above the bars came whisking through the air:
Said Francis then, "Faith, gentlemen, we're better here than there!"

De Lorge's love o'erheard the king, - a beateous, lively dame,
With smiling lips and sharp, bright eyes, which always seemed the same:
She thought, "The Count, my lover, is brave as brave can be,-
He surely would do wonderous things to show his love of me.
Kings, ladies, lovers, all look on; the occasion is divine;
I'll drop my glove to prove his love; great glory will be mine."

She dropped her glove to prove his love, then looked at him and smiled;
He bowed, and in a moment leaped among the lions wild:
The leap was quick, return was quick, he has regained his place,
Then threw the glove, but not with love, right in the lady's face.
"In faith," cried Francis, "rightly done!" and he rose from where he sat;
"No love," quoth he, "but vanity, sets love a task like that."

I have sidebangs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes, its finally happened ^_^ I've wanted them for a long time but a lot of people thought they wouldn't look good. but they do!!!!!!!! and they suit my face and everything!!! i love them!! aaagh i love bangs so much. thats probably why i love emo guy hair, its ALL bangs lol. yes, thats right, emo guys are cute. i dont think any guys come to my blog so its pretty safe to talk about this lol. but I'll stop :P
so yeah, I put it off because I was like errr...k...so many people are like no it wont suit your face so I was really afraid to do it. but today i was like darn it all to heck! and i did it :D and my mom did actually. i was like whimpering the whole time, i was so worried! lol but i love them! AAH! they've become part of me...i cannot do without them...and i dont want the day to come when they grow out. but i'll just cut them again then. AH they've given me the spice and change that I've wanted in my hair for so long. and then the streaks...and then perming it. I'll look quite different.