to lysha

<3 happy sixeenth love <3


sixteen sixteen sixteen sixteen sixteen sixteen sixteen sixteen sixteen sixteen sixteen sixteen sixteen sixteen sixteen sixteen ahhh lysh. where to begin? has it been four years? it makes me smile to think things this amazing last like that. yes yep. well i guess i should start off by saying what a great friend you are, since, that's just what you are. you're always there to talk to and help me with my problems, and pray. and it's funny, i used to think being really close with someone meant never fighting; but our friendship (and most others) proved me wrong. it also proved wrong my idea of misunderstandings being unrepairable.

man, i want...to see you. k, you'll probably think i forgot about your bday cause this wasnt here yesterday lol but i didn't!! i thought about you all day yesterday. yessiree, i did. and i missed you. sixteen always sounded old but now it doesn't; but it sounds a lot more beautiful than i ever hoped it would. speaking of beautiful....
stop getting prettier. golly, the nerve of you. you just don't know when to stop!

so i thought of mailing you a gift. it tickled me to death. i'd fedex it (cause that's what people with urgent packages do. the regular post just won't suffice, everyone who's anyone knows that) and i'd put lots of stamps on it even if i didn't need them. and wrap it in too many layers of something pretty. and i would probably say "i need postage! pronto!" like that. because that's also something urgent people do when mailing things.

know you are loved. i love you. i want you to know how much you mean to me and what a part you have and are playing in my life. how you've helped me and spurred me on. how i cherish you. how i've learned from you. how i'm so glad you're in my life. how you've just been there and how you've grown and how you've...mm..there's not really a word for it, just, when you know someone, and that changes you. love.

i love you.

sweet Jesus,

take me
take all of me
leave nothing behind.
undo me
break me
halt all my designs.
because i want to be Yours
to be given to You
wholly
unreservedly
and by now, i at least know what not to do.
defeat me
end me as i am without You
and take me
take all of me
leave no part untouched.
because after all my unbelief, You've still taken the time
to show me You're still here
and that I'm still on Your mind.
here,
to show me You don't need me to be ready
to show me in my helplessness I am ready for You.
show me my weakness
until i start to faint in despair
bring me to a point
where i can lean on nothing but You
and see nothing but You there.
and take me
take all of me
let me hold nothing back
O do I ever even wonder
why Holy Ghost should descend to me?
the only thing i can do - it is the very smallest -
is to wonder at Your presence;
do i even wonder?

*

glory - that is an extravagant word. it sounds like it has all the trimmings. almost gaudy but not, because it's also pure - the height of harmony. i wish words walked around all day. right when we say them; that they'd be birthed right then and there. that we'd actually see them rumble out of our mouths and dust themselves off as they prance down our breath, with the air of a ghost from a black and white film or a fancy dressed toy person from a dream, all our sentences forming this ornate parade of thought. they would be so riotous and discordant in their resigned meanings and formality. they'd strut or stroll about, and speak into the ear of the person you are talking to. and that horrible feeling of regretting something you've said would finally be comprehensible when you see that word still blundering about your tabletop where you uttered it into being; just not disappearing as it should.

i think it's better the way it is though. words are powerful enough when just heard.

*

i am the worst blogger who ever had the impudence to keep a blog (ahaha). but i'm just too busy to keep it up. i get all the urges but not the time.

*

"As we grow up I think we will learn to talk less but to talk at all the right times more often."

*

you could think of this as a blog warm-up for the summer because i'll likely blog more then. but i don't feel like running through the past few months. i'd rather just tell you what's on my mind...

my mum is an excellent shopper. she buys me nice things when i least expect it. i think i underestimate her knowledge of my taste, because she almost always brings me back things that i like. i like them so much i must go up to her and say, "mommy, thank you, you are good."

"A shark bit off my left arm and my left leg."
"Yikes! How are you doing?"
"I'm all right,"
"..."
"HAHA! GET IT?"
"..."
"I used a saw. I just wanted to make that pun."

i'm making a music video.

i have a new keyboard!

i'm making book marks out of candy boxes because they're so colourful and pleasing to the eye.

i have a long string of fat, bright yellow beads. i want to do something with them but i'm not sure what yet.