I kind of like you.

you end reality for me just like i've always wanted. i don't always understand how your smile seems to contain the world; i'm jealous of your smiles you know, just like God is jealous of us, i don't want anyone else to have them but me. i don't need music anymore - listen to you, i've never heard anything so beautiful. sometimes i stop thinking about it all and am just quiet in you. and summer..or fall...it doesn't really matter or even exist anymore, not near you.

i am happy in our black and white world. everything is calmer here, i don't hide terrors in me anymore. my nightmares don't flourish in marvelous artwork as much now. but there is the matter of time - a thing that doesn't really exist. i don't like things i can't control, you know that about me; you were the only exception for that. but it's just at the moment when we are where we want to be, and all enveloped i find a tender pain in it. i'm wrapped in the drapes by the moody lampshade and you're still asleep; oh you are beautiful, more so when you're very near me and very far from me and all the places inbetween. the dawn is almost breaking and my burning happiness is touched with something very cold - the passing of it; it is being blown away and i can do nothing about it. i can only have you as long as you are here. i am indignant as i forget i am human. knuckles clenched to white...shut your eyes tightly and try very very hard, like when you were little and wanted to wake from a dream...there must be a way out of the world, out of time.

i am drawn up, dried up and pressed; the gold spills onto my grey matter.
the end of what we know is the beginning of its permanence, its fixedness. but that doesn't fit in my head yet. hot tears of fury streak my face as you sleep, so peaceful, my beautiful one...it hurts, because it won't last - everything is fleeting. just when i feel the human flesh against mine, i turn my watery eyes to their graves and see the impossibility of it. because we're greedy creatures and now is not enough - we want forever.

i want you forever.

forever has already begun, so maybe there is no end to this...

click.