so it comes down to wanting what you can't have. oh tripping over simple truth...but what's wrong with wanting some things? that's when God appears to be a big meany, holding good things back from me - but that's a lie, from the Father of Lies, trying to discredit God's goodness, His goodness which is evident in His Word, "I will satisfy your heart with the desires of your youth". I just don't understand it all.
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Dear you,
You are un vaniteux. So why do I like you so much? It's not even liking you...I just have an insatiable appetite for you. You're challenging, and while you're as ordinary as all the people I reject, yet the fact that you are happy that way gives you a superiority over your peers; and it's addictive. You're not too far from the rest of them, and I'm dissastisfied with them - but you seem to have a secret, as if this normality of you isn't true, and I am obsessed with finding out if I'm right. Or maybe that's just it - it's all about me; I need to know, I need to be right, I need to win - as always. Perhaps this one singular feature about you that has me mesmerized has one singular purpose - to break my vanity. "I could more easily have forgiven his vanity had he not wounded mine." ugh. It doesn't help that I romanticise it all; and lie about it to myself as well - you're probably not AS vain as I make you out to be, but your continual indifference towards me makes me think you must be the most proud and conceited person alive - which, ironically, would make me the proud and conceited one. And this logic that bounces off of you and back at me makes me dislike you even more. Which only increases my infatuation.
I WISH YOU DIDN'T EXIST
I would sleep better at night.
Sincerely,
Me
posted by Lara @ 7/24/2006 06:24:00 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
HAHAHAHA, that made me laugh!
I WISH YOU DIDN'T EXSIST. oh funny funny.
here, this is a box: [] , and inside is a big, buzzing pile of my *understanding*
hannah feels special now, doesn't hannah
but tala feels just as special, tala does, because tala understands just as much as hannah does, tala does
the minutes of my life have dragged a ticking nausea from my stomach into my throat
<3
lol i'm very glad you found that part funny hannah, because if you didnt it would have been the most pathetic letter. do you think i should send it to the person? LOL that'd be even funnier!! :P can you imagine? wow i can't believe that i could find something so funny that would be so devastating to me. i have a very strong sense of humour i think.
i don't know what i would do if i didn't have both of you understanding me so much; really. i would dry up, or turn inwards. or something, sigh. i <3 you both to little tiny pieces that you can tuck into your pocket and that leave a lovely aroma wherever you put them...yes...^_^
like the sugar smell in your house :D
tala - i be's emailing you tomorrow. and, i think i understand your feeling - i felt something similar in early spring, when life felt like an accordion - cramming unbearably and then stretching to a near breaking point. i don't know if that's quite what you mean though.
ah.. Lara,
I love how clearly you express yourself.
Boys like that are *so* vexing.
mm, thanks for posting that.
oh, hush up tala you pipsqueak. i didn't even mean it totally like that. only a bit.
and lara, i actually FELT the warmness sliding down my throat and to my stomach when you said that. or, maybe that was my tea. but they both went together and it was lovely. and you know i have JUST the same thing. notice how i'm talking with strenuous italics? or, sentimental emphasis capital letter stuff. thats a sign that i feel *myself* around you :P :P because i being silly. i mean, i was silly. i am silly. am being silly. whichever is the proper grammar, you choose.
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